Just Plain Rayong: PTT Rayong 1-0 Port FC

 

Pressure makes diamonds” opined one of our travelling party as we discussed Port’s current situation on the way to the Meccano-esque PTT Stadium. The rest of the suitably lubricated gentleman and additional beer monitor carefully considered this statement until I offered a well thought out counter-argument; “pressure can also make you piss yourself.” Wise words indeed but sadly I was proved right as Port continued their alarming dip in form that has seen them go from top of pile to mid-table mediocrity and possibly something much much worse.

It all started so well with a midweek cup victory against The Scum which many had hoped would propel the team back to some decent form and retake the initiative in the league. None of our rivals had pulled away from the chasing pack and Port could take heart that it wasn’t just us fucking about. Also it was set up as a cracking away day; a bit of beach action followed by an early evening kick off at a decent stadium, so this had expanded from your normal football trip to 2 minivans, an additional car and several others on the Thai coach.

 

 

The highlight of the day was Bang Saray beach; a beautiful spot at a good arm’s length from Pattaya that isn’t too overcrowded and a great place to spend a few hours doing sweet FA. We split into 2 groups; those who wanted to eat in chairs (and sand-phobic) and those who prefer to be a little more horizontal while they dine. Moving between the 2 groups, it was a charming afternoon and really we should have stayed all day there if we had known what “entertainment” was in store for us. On a side note, my afternoon was rudely interrupted by a rogue mussel that made me evacuate the contents of my stomach and get a standing ovation from our group upon leaving the roadside toilet; a touching moment I will never forget.

 

 

The first half was a tepid affair only punctuated by 2 things; Bodin’s (10) behind the halfway line shot that keeper Peerapong (30) tipped onto the crossbar and someone spotting a reasonably attractive woman in the home stand which prompt a group of us to wave furiously at in a desperate effort to get her attention. Oh, Rayong’s Big Scary Bastard Victor (5) missed a tap in from a set piece. The lack of quality from both sides was clearly evident and many of us voted with our feet to nip off for very early beers.

 

“Hello, you!”

 

The second half was not much better; the game’s only moment of quality was the goal. Dennis Murillo (92) was given time and space due to Martin Steuble (15) being out of position and he sent a delicious curling shot into the far top corner over Worawut (36). Jadet, sensing the knives sharpening, sent on Pakorn (7) for the totally ineffective Sumanya (11) and Josimar (30) for the woeful Blackburn (99) and things got a little better. Pakorn’s shot forced a smart save and seconds later the ball was fizzed across the box by no Port player could turn it in. Then Josimar missed our best opportunity, running smartly onto a free kick which he placed the wrong side of the post.

And that was that, Port fell to yet another defeat with a performance of zero merit in a game that was frankly painful to watch. Jadet’s diamond formation offers nothing; Siwakorn (16) is uncomfortable playing to the right, Bodin doesn’t have license to roam in order to effect play and Sumanya, effectively the same player as Suarez, has been playing bollocks for far too long and doesn’t justify a starting place. Players we normally depend on like Dolah (4) and Suarez (5) aren’t performing to their usual standards and the new players seem pretty “meh”. Steuble had been solid but was at fault for the goal, Tanaboon (71) seemed very nervous at centre back and “El Toro” Blackburn put in a 1/10 performance and that’s me being very generous. We might as well have played with an actual bull up front. Credit to Dolah for talking to the fans at the service station after the match and also Watchara (1) who said a very brief hello to me and the missus. We must also call out Go (8) who swerved us when he saw a large group of us in Burger King; not cool and I hope you were gutted you didn’t get your whopper.

By the end of the weekend it was confirmed that Jadet has been relieved of his coaching duties and shunted upstairs, just like the ill-fated Zico experiment, and in comes Choketawee Promrut as coach while Spencer Prior becomes team manager. Again it looks like Madame wants to experiment and keep Jadet around as an insurance policy in case it all goes south, but something, anything needed to be done to stop the rot. New people bring fresh ideas to the table and hopefully there won’t be too much meddling in the background (stop laughing at the back), although 3 senior roles means there are already a lot of cooks ready to spoil the Port broth and Madame and her lackeys are standing right behind them armed with extra ladles.

 

Man of the Match: No One

 

Nope, none of them deserve it. I’m not even going to give it to the fans because all we did was bitch and moan then bugger off to drink outside. The opposition were just as bad and Murillo isn’t getting it for the goal because he was an absolute shithouse with a top knot. It was that bad an afternoon.

 

Toby Knight

Toby Knight

North Londoner, Arsenal fan and believer in lucky cigars, Toby decamped to Bangkok 2 years ago and happily stumbled upon Port FC last season. The rest, as they say, is history.

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