In the Dock: Andy’s All-Time Worst Port XI

 

So, my ‘best of’ team was truly awesome, a team I am sure that absolutely everyone will agree with, without any hint of disagreement, as the internet is known as a place where people never needlessly quibble with each other or viciously name call over the slightest divergence and is such a wonderful realm of harmony and mutual respect. So, with that agreed I am sure that everyone will be as equally agreeable with my selection for a worst 11. Again some of you who know me may be suspecting that the team could quite possibly have consisted of just one player; Kim Ba-We. And I am sure it would have been equally (I want to say) entertaining (but it probably wouldn’t be) to have witnessed its sheer scale of dumbfoundedness and hilarity. Maybe it would have been something like this; Ba-We misplaces a pass, and Ba-We makes no effort to regain possession, now the opposing player effortlessly rounds Ba-We in defence and shoots at goal where Ba-We in goal is hopelessly out of position and dives in the wrong direction, that makes it 32-0 now with just 15 minutes played. But like my best of team, Ba-We will be joined by 10 other equally inept, hopeless, talentless never-weres and squad fillers.

This team will be based on a more oddball, team chasing a game setup of 4-2-4 formation, this is to make room for all of the awful strikers we have had inflicted upon us in the name of incoherent squad construction, personal arrogance, and the pursuit of silverware.

So here goes…

GK – Wanlop Saechio

2009-12
33 appearances

This is one of the toughest positions as we have had some real stinkers and our present array of keepers are decidedly average at best, where if you morphed the three together you may come up with one decent enough keeper, but if you were to add Wanlop into the mix I think that such was his awfulness he would have actually have an inverted negative effect. I think in fact if you were to combine Wanlop with de Gea and Ederson, his terribleness would be so great as to reduce the others so much that it would be impossible to create one functioning keeper. I think the only positive thing you could say about him was that he tried, I think, well I assume, hopefully. Thankfully Munze kept him out of the team for some of 2012, which meant he wasn’t a regular, but the fact that played even once, was one more time than it should have been.

RB – Ittipol Nonsiri

2000-13
118 appearances, 1 goal

Much beloved by many Thai fans, I still see many shirts bearing his name and he was clearly a long serving lynchpin of the team. Not many players play for as long as he did, although his stats suggest that he must have been used sparingly, managing just an average of 10 appearances per season or the significantly less number of fixtures back in the early 00s had an effect on his numbers. As unfortunate as my opinions of him are, I can only judge him on the games I saw him play in. He was part of the 2009 F.A. Cup winning team, I saw him play 3 times (out of 12 games) in 2010, 11 times (out of 32 games) in 2011 and was part of the League Cup runners-up team, 10 times (out of 19 games) and then finally I didn’t see him play a game in the 1st half of the 2013 before released at the mid-season break. I did see additional games on TV where he played too. He seemed like a player from a by-gone era; that era of before the attempts to professionalize the game in 2009 and thereafter were taking effect. He seemed to be just not quite as good as the other players and not quite up to standard and I was often frustrated to see him line up against players that you knew he wasn’t going to be able to contain or keep up with.

CB – Todsapol Lated

2010-11 period
19 appearances, 0 goals

I want to make it clear that his present incarnation is very good, I like him, and don’t worry when I see him play for us, he has positively blossomed and bloomed into a perfectly acceptable centre back. The period of time I am referring to was a long time ago when he was utter pants (or underwear for the U.S. orientated readers). He seemed inept, lacking any decision making process and used to perfect the art of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the only thing going for him was that he was young and there was the hope that he would develop and get better, he was voted the young player of the year for us, which was pretty miraculous, in my opinion, or once aain shows how little faith there is in young players at the club. This probably helped him earn his move to Muang Thong United the next season. They did seem to go through a phase of buying our players and those players then ultimately under-performing for them (Mongkol, Ekkapoom, Sivakorn), with some of them returning, with Todsapol being a prime example.

CB – Mario da Silva

2009-12
47 appearances

For many, he was considered the better player than Moise. Yes, I know, people actually said that. That is simply insane and clearly utter bunkum and anyone who says such a thing shouldn’t be trusted. Yes, he was far more high profile than Moise, he certainly played up to the fans more, Thai fans seemed to love him and he was positively flamboyant (which is often a polite way of saying egotistic). I think that this was more of a way of trying to hide his inefficiency and lack of defending nous. He was one of the many players we have had who was constantly in the face of any official and made me feel ashamed of his antics. Moise was class, Mario lacked that class and yet was constantly lorded far higher than his far more reliable and competent defensive partner. Just in case it wasn’t clear, Moise was better.

LB – Pongpipat Kamnuan

2009-10, 2012-3
35 appearances, 2 goals

I think he would fit the category of player who people describe as being able to start a fight in an empty room, he always struck me (and probably would if he read this) as; combative, feisty, aggressive and varying other phrases a frightened defence attorney may use to try and get their overzealous, violent client off their charges. He could have been a frustrated referee as he routinely attempted to officiate games as well as play in them. However; amazingly he never felt that any of the assaults he committed on the pitch were worthy of punishment or caution. I don’t think he could ever have been accused of mincing his words in his rather one-sided dialogues with the officials. There are some fans who love these types of ‘characters’ in the game and zestily cheer and holler their attempts at on pitch manslaughter as a long lost call for the game to still be a man’s game. However; I found him to be a thuggish type player at best and caused me quite possibly more annoyance than many other players in this rogue’s gallery. It was sweet relief when he left and went onto besmirch the reputation of a different club.

CM – Gorka Unda

2015
33 appearances, 5 goals

He was Spanish, I’ll give him that, that is a fact, which probably made him seem like he should have been better than he was, and the type of player you see a lot of in Thai football, nowhere near good enough for even the lower levels of European football and then comes out to Asia and plods about a bit and seems to have decent enough basic skills but doesn’t have the creativity or imagination to truly be anything other than mediocre. I heard he was very good at Sisaket. But for us; he passed the ball around a lot but it never felt like there was going to have much of an end product. He would push the ball out left to no one in particular and they would pass it back and then he would carry the ball across the pitch and try the same out right with similar effects. Again, there were some western fans that rated him, but I didn’t see it and was relieved to see his time with us end after only one average (at best) season. He went to Khon Kaen where he totally failed to set the world on fire there too.

CM – Kim Ba-We

2011-3
Too many and not enough

I feel I have said everything I need to say about Kim Ba-We’s ability as a “footballer’ and his time at Port. Can read about my rantings here.

LW – Tana Chanabut

2016-8
50 appearances, 8 goals

Is there anything that needs to be said about Tana, anyone with eyes has witnessed what he was like, the guy was utter gash. Never have I heard a larger groan (from all foreign Port fans) than when Tana could be seen striding manfully towards the 4th Official with the intention of coming on the pitch. He would then successfully routinely lose control of the ball, not be quick enough to get on the end of a promising pass, to hold his head in his hands in disappointment, or to put his arm up in acknowledgment of another good pass that had been sent his way that he had totally misread. Thai fans bizarrely and inexplicably loved him, I guess they must have read some amazing stuff about him unavailable in English; maybe saving kids from a burning orphanage, curing dengue fever, making the greatest Som Tam and distributing it for free around the streets of Klong Toei. Who knows?

CF – Wuttichai Tathong

2015-7
28 appearances, 4 goals

3 seasons with us, and most of that time I forgot he was even with us, except for when I saw him come off the subs bench and think to myself; who’s that? I’m no Mathematician which may surprise you, but the goals to game ratio isn’t good (1 in 7, I believe). He kind of nicely demonstrates why teams so often put their faith in foreign strikers. Although that can be equally hit or miss too but with often more expense. When I saw his picture on the internet I realized that I had had a completely different picture in my head as to what he looked like, which is no ringing endorsement on his ability to stick in the memory. From the stands it can be hard to truly see the players and it is only when you watch games on TV and the camera zooms in that you realize what they actually look like. So it says a lot about him that I didn’t know what he looked like, as I had hardly seen any zoom ins of Wuttichai on TV. Which, by cogent reasoning, suggests he was either rarely on the pitch or rarely in involved in anything that may have constituted exciting action to a TV director that may have warranted a zoom in on its protagonist to emphasize. That’s logic, you cannot deny that, so it must be true.

CF – Ri-Myong Jun

2012-3
24 appearances, 3 goals

The club seem to have an obsession with signing Koreans, and in my humble opinion mostly without much success, but Jun was slightly different, he was North Korean. Possibly the only thing I thought might have been interesting about this was how he may have got along with his fellow South Korean compatriot/enemy Kim Ba-We. He actually played in Europe and when I say Europe I mean a couple of clubs in Latvia and one in Denmark, scoring an amazing zero number of goals for them which was apparently deemed worthy enough for Muang Thong to sign him. He certainly was staggeringly ineffective and half-arsed for us during his (possibly spiteful and Machiavellian) loan period from Muang Thong United. He never actually played for them according to his stats, so whether they signed him just to weaken us by signing our “good’ players while sending him on loan in return as part of the deal is up for debate. It was devilishly effective, with his 1 in 8 goal ratio (more Maths) hardly drove us to success. Presently, surprising absolutely no one, he is back playing in North Korea where career stats seem as hard to come by as stats detailing the number of deaths of civilians during the Famine of the mid 90s (Maths and obvious biting social commentary, you get it all here).

RW – Sompong Soleb

2007, 2010-1, 2015
70 appearances, 16 goals

I thought he was OK in his first spell with us, his second spell was OK too but the third was worse and that pretty much sums him up really. He was a player who had a nonchalance, a languid and lackadaisical style to him, which sadly got more and more lacking in determination and enthusiasm as time went by. He was like a sub-average Matt Le Tissier or a lesser Berbatov. His early years should have set him up to be one of the stars of Thai football for a couple of decades, going to Everton as a youth should have helped him explode into prominence. But throughout his career he seemed to bounce around teams on loan suggesting potential but without ever realizing it and then just becoming frustratingly average, maybe Jack Rodwell is a good comparative study. One interesting note from his Wikipedia page is that he is known among Thai fans as “Thai Welbeck” which is amusing or cruel depending on your club allegiances. He is presently at Kasetart F.C. in league 2, which is maybe where he should have been all along.

 

Thanks Andy! Want to upset lots of people and share your worst ever Port XI with us? Drop us an email!

 

Andy Hailstone

Andy Hailstone

Andy has supported Port/Port MTI/Singhtarua/Thai Port since 2010, being well used to "rustic" and "agricultural" football styles having supported Aldershot Town for a good couple of decades. He is actively involved in inspiring the next generation of Port fan by making both his daughter and son support them, to varying degrees of success.

More Posts

0replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *